Regrets?
by arutka2000
Summary: Jiraiya's last thoughts as he sinks. He has a few regrets. Or so he thinks.


**Me:** **Hello everyone**

**Me:** **Hello everyone. It's been awhile, hasn't it? Well I've got a nice little one-shot here that will make you all (at least I hope so) happy.**

**Me:** **Its dedicated to the late Ero-sennin. I miss him so….**

**Naruto:** **I miss him too (sniffle).**

**Jiraiya:** **Why!? Why did it have to be me to die?!**

**Me:** **Shut up already! So you died in the manga! You live on in fanfiction, digusting habits and all.**

**Naruto:** **Yeah, he's right! Get over it Ero-sennin! Sheesh!**

**Jiraiya:** **……………………………..Do you know how painful it was to die!?**

**Naruto:** **Um,……..no?**

**Jiraiya:** **That's what I thought. (inhales deeply) IT REALLY FRICKIN HURT, YOU BAKA!**

**Me:** **Hey, now. There's no need to get so upset over this.**

**Jiraiya:** **AND YOU! GET BACK TO YOUR OTHER STORY AND BURY ME ALREADY!**

**Me:** **I'll get it done when I get it done. Yelling won't get it done any faster. And if you yell again, you will wish you had died forever. **

**Jiraiya:** **Oh yeah? What are you going to do to me if I don't listen?**

**Me:** **(snickers evilly) whisper whisper whisper.**

**Jiraiya:** **(turns green) I think I'm going to be sick. **

**Me:** **I'm glad we have an understanding. Tsunade, would you like to give the disclaimer today?**

**Tsunade:** **Sure, why not. ****Alex (the crazy author) doesn't own Naruto. If he did NaruHina would be canon already and Sasuke wouldn't be an overpowered jerkoff. **

**Me:** **Thank you Tsu-cha….(turns to avoid glare promising death) Well, Anyway I hope you enjoy the story. And I also hope that Tsunade stops glaring at me. (Begins to run, Tsunade chases.)**

* * *

Jiraiya watched as the surface of the water retreated from him. 'I'm sinking, aren't I?" he asked himself, not really expecting an answer. **'Yeah, you are baka. This is the end you know.'** While the response was a slight shock, the statement was not. 'Yeah' he answered back 'I know.' **'Do you have any regrets about your life?' **The voice asked again. 'Regrets?' he thought for a moment 'a few.'

_Flashback_

"_Orochimaru, you can still come back to the village. I'll help clear your name!" Jiraiya yelled. The snake-like man stood just 50 ft away from him and yet, it seemed so much farther. "You alwayssss were a fool Jiraiya. I wasss never your friend. Face it. You were played for the fool you are!"_

_Jiraiya lowered his head. "Is that true? All those missions we went on as team 7? They mean nothing to you? The bond of friendship that Tsunade, You and, I created is meaningless to you?" Jiraiya shouted, not wanting to face the truth. _

"_Yesssss."_

_That was all Jiraiya needed to hear. The friendship that he and Orochimaru had built up was nothing. It was a fake, a sham, a waste of time. Jiraiya had told himself time and time again that he could change his best-friends ways, that he could help Orochimaru see the light._

_Sadly, he was wrong._

_Orochimaru rushed him, drawing the Kusanagi at the same time. Jiraiya only had a moment to duck before the blade passed through the spot were his neck had been. 'He…he really means it…' he thought 'fine. If I have to kill him, then I shall.' Creating a kage bunshin, Jiraiya ran through several seals before slamming his hand on the ground "Doton: Yomi Numa!" The ground beneath them quickly turned into a swamp. _

_As Orochimaru jump up to avoid it, the kage bunshin came down and slammed him towards it. The snake turned in mid-air and landed on the surface of it. "Come now Jiraiya, did you really think I would fall for that? I am not a fool" he taunted. _

'_Boar, Dog, Rooster, Monkey, Ram' Both thought as they ran through the seals and slammed their hands on the ground "Kuchiyose no Jutsu!" A large plume of smoke heralded the arrival of Gamabunta and Manda, the boss summons of the toad and snake contracts respectively. _

"_**Ssssso, Orochimaru. You have finally decided to leave Konoha?"**__ Manda hissed at his summoner. "I have Manda. Do you have a problem with that?" replied the equally cold-blooded creature. __**"Of coursssse not. I wassssss jusssst curioussssss."**_

"_**Jiraiya, I take it you didn't call me out here for a tea party?"**__ asked Gamabunta, the toad boss. "No Bunta. Just to stop some snakes in the leaves" the white haired sannin replied, still subdued by the fact this was really happening. __**"Well, I've always wanted a snake-skin wallet!"**__ Gamabunta roared. Unsheathing his enormous blade, he charged the snake summon. Manda held still until the toad was upon him and quickly went under- ground. _

"_Watch out Bunta. Snakes are slippery. Especially these two" Jiraiya called out from atop the massive head of Gamabunta. __**"Duly noted"**__ was the reply he got. A tremor alerted the pair to the danger coming up from beneath them. Manda shot out and struck at Gamabunta's throat. He dodged and swung his sword at the giant snake. _

_Manda maneuvered out I of the way just in time. With Gamabunta over-extended, Manda took advantage of the moment. He wrapped himself around the toad and began to squeeze, hoping that it would give him victory quickly. _

_Gamabunta thought otherwise. Using the last of his strength, the mighty toad boss sprung into the air and turned so that the landing would crush Manda under his weight. Upon impact the snake cried out in pain and "poofed" back to the summons realm. Gamabunta gave Jiraiya a look that said "your on your own now" before "poofing" away as well._

"_I believe that we should finish this now Jiraiya" Orochimaru said through his clenched teeth. Both were breathing heavy and were near total exhaustion. "That's fine with me" Jiraiya replied. Orochimaru once again brought out Kusanagi and prepared to strike, when something caught his attention. _

_Jiraiya was holding a rotating sphere of chakra. _

"_What is that?" Orochimaru asked, confused. Jiraiya had never show him this before. "It's called the Rasengan. My student taught it to me after he finished it. You know him Oro-teme. Minato." Jiraiya responded with a smirk. 'Get him riled up and while he lets his anger cloud him, boom! No more snake boy.' _

_Orochimaru growled 'Minato. I should have known the little brat made this. Probably one of the reasons HE was chosen to be the Yondaime Hokage.' "It doesn't matter what you use, dobe. You will never beat me."_

_And with that, Orochimaru charged Jiraiya again. Jiraiya himself ran as fast as he could at the other man. The Kusanagi and Rasengan met in between. The explosion sent Jiraiya flying backwards and into the forest, unconscious. Orochimaru caught himself and landed on shaky legs. The sound of hunter-nin approaching sent him on his way, but not before stealing a glance back to where his old teammate may have been 'We'll finish this another day, Jiraiya.' _

_That day, Orochimaru was placed in the BINGO books. He was ranked as an S-class nuke-nin. The very same day, Jiraiya made a promise to himself that he would keep tabs on the snake, so as to stop his insane plans and should he get the chance: Kill him._

_Flashback end_

'Wish I had killed him that day. He caused so much death and destruction all because I failed to kill him. At least I kept that promise to keep tabs on him. I sure would have liked to kill him myself though.'

'**Any other regrets, Jiraiya'** the voice of his conscience came again. 'Yeah, a couple more' he answered.

'**Would you like to share them with me?'**

'Ok. If nothing else, it's making me feel better about my death' he answered.

_Flashback_

"_Naruto…It's a beautiful name" said Uzumaki Kushina, looking down at her enlarged stomach. "Kushina…" Jiraiya whispered. 'By Kami! How could I have I missed this?!' he thought. "Hahaha hoo boy…If I name him, that makes me his godfather, right? Are you sure you want that on his heads?" he asked jokingly. _

"_Absolutely."Minato replied. That had caught him off guard. "You're a man with real skill… an example we should all follow. I can't think of a finer shinobi than you." To say Jiraiya was surprised would have been an understatement. 'To think my student values me so much.' The sannin thought._

_4 months later_

"_Jiraiya-sensei I will not let anyone else do!" Minato yelled. "But what about your son, gaki?! What about Kushina? How will this effect them?" Jiraiya asked his old student "Have you thought about that?"_

_Minato looked up at him with the saddest eyes the older man had ever seen. "K-Kushina is dead sensei." His anger at the young Hokage disappeared instantly, only to be replaced with his own sadness. "You will be leaving him an orphan then. Just like you" he said quietly "Do you really want that?"_

_Minato looked down at the little boy held in his arms. "I have to. It is my duty as the Hokage."_

"_Then at least use…" Jiraiya's words were interrupted " How can I use someone else's baby if I wouldn't use my own!?" the blonde yelled. Little Naruto just looked back and forth between the yelling men and giggled. Returning his gaze to his son, Minato sighed. "It wouldn't be fair. Beside's, the clans would more than likely use the child as leverage or a weapons against the others. This way, I know that won't happen."_

_Jiraiya was puzzled by the statement before it clicked. "Your not going to let anyone adopt him?" It wasn't a question. _

"_No. He'll be given his mother's name and put in the orphanage. Tell the old man to use his best judgment about telling the villagers about Naruto, if he does at all. But if he does Sensei, tell his that I want my son to be seen as a hero. Okay?" said Minato._

"_Hai. I'll tell him. But what about telling the kid his heritage? He has to sometime, right?" Jiraiya asked, knowing that if this got out, Iwa-nin would kill him in a matter of days._

"_Only a few people know who he really is. I want it kept that way until he's of age. Then tell him. If you can't, there's a scroll inside the desk at the tower. It's covered in a genjutsu that will be released only at the right time." Minato replied._

"_Very well. I will take care of this as you ask." The older man said as he walked up to Minato. "Before you go, there's just one thing I need to say to you." Minato turned to face the sannin but found himself and Naruto in a hug. "I've always thought of you as my own son Minato. And as much as it pains me to see you die before me, I am and always will be proud of you."_

_Tears fell from Minato's eyes as he listened. Pulling away from the hug, he handed Naruto to his… his father. He had never had a father but the perverted sannin fit the bill perfectly. "Thank you. Father." And with that he dashed of to face the Kyuubi and his destiny. _

_Looking down, Jiraiya found himself peering into the very same eyes that just left. "I promise, I will protect you from harm, Naruto." _

_Flashback end_

"And I failed at that promise to. I left the village soon after the sealing and never returned, until the Chuunin exams." Jiraiya said to himself. "The pain he went through growing up alone and almost friendless. I caused that."

'**Anything else you'd like to get off your chest?' the voice asked.**

"Just one more thing" he drifted off as the memories of that day came flooding back.

_Flashback_

"_Come back alive." Tsunade said. Jiraiya looked up in surprise, not saying anything. Tsunade continued "If I lose you too…I…" "Are you gonna cry for me?! Haha, I'm honored! I don't suppose I'll get as many tears as Dan thought, hahahahaha!" Jiraiya interrupted._

"_Asshole" was Tsunades response. Looking back down at the Hokage, Jiraiya opened his mouth "All right, let's put your gambling skills to use?" Tsunade looked up at him, a confused look across her face. "Put everything you've got on me dying. You always pick the losing bet."_

_Turning away, he continued "And in return, I'll come back alive and well."_

"_Wh-" she began only to be interrupted again, this time by Jiraiya's laugh "Wahaha! I'm kidding, I'm kidding! But really, I'm very grateful to you, you know!"_

_Tsunade gave him a questioning glance._

_Pulling out one of his books he started talking "Getting dumped always makes a man stronger. And if he hasn't experienced it enough to be able to laugh and joke about it, or at least use it a material, he can't fulfill his duties as a man."_

_Tsunade glared at him "So it's a man's duty to be strong, eh?"_

_Grinning widely, Jiraiya continued "Pretty much. But then again, men aren't meant to pursue happiness. Tsunade stared for a moment, before turning away and replying. "Bah…you men are all alike. Without women around, there'd be no one to reject your advances and toughen you up!" Jiraiya just chuckled and add "hehe…very true."_

_A quiet descended upon them._

_It was broken by Tsunade "Send one of your toads if anything happens. I'll come and back you up immediately." Jiraiya shook his head "I don't think so. You absolutely have to remain in the village. This place needs you to keep it together."_

"_There are plenty of other worthy candidates for Hokage" Tsunade said sparing a glace at the white haired man. "How are people supposed to be comfortable living here if their leader is constantly changing! You the best person for the job and that's that!" Jiraiya yelled back._

'_I will not risk your life. Not now, not ever my Hime.' He thought to himself._

"_We've got Kakashi. And Naruto eventually." Tsunade countered. Jiraiya nodded his head "Kakashi is a given, but Naruto is a long ways off. Even if you did see fit to give him your necklace."_

_The Hokage snorted "Your one to talk. You've practically crammed him full of power. You even taught him the Rasengan!" He grinned sheepishly "Yeah, and maybe I shouldn't have. It felt like I was teaching Minato again and.."_

"_Namikaze Minato…the resemblance is undeniable…" Tsunade interjected. Jiraiya closed his eyes "Minato had talent you only see once a decade at best. He was a genius…no one like his him has been born in a while." he paused "He was such a nice kid, yet his guts and desire to succeed was the fiercest I'd ever seen. And in the blink of an eye, he was the Yondaime Hokage."_

_Returning his gaze to the woman he loved, he spoke again "I never had kids, so I don't know what it was like…but if he'd been my son, I'd have bragged about him all the time."_

_Inside Tsunade knew what he meant. 'If we had had kids, that's exactly what they would have been like.' Silently, she agreed. 'But that can never happen now.' She thought to herself._

"_Haha…hearing you say that makes me think how different they are, too. If I had to choose, I'd say he's much more similar to his mother" she said. Jiraiya grinned and remembered her. "A kunoichi of the former Whirlpool country…"_

_Tsunade smirked before responding "Yeah…his personality and ninjutsu style are exactly like Uzumaki Kushina's." "That was her name!" Jiraiya yelled "I remember, with that red hair, constant jabbering, and her tomboyish attitude. She was like one of the boys!"_

_Tsunade nodded her head "Kushina became so beautiful as she grew up…but Naruto does look\ a lot like his father." This time it was Jiraiya's turn to smirk "That's why I say I see __**Him**__ in Naruto. I have to admit, I've come to think of him as my own grandson."_

_Jiraiya knew Tsunade could hear his sadness. Another silence fell over them, as Jiraiya struggled with his emotions. 'Should I tell her how I fell? But, if I do and don't come back…? No. I won't say it.' He thought. "Okay, so…I'll be off. Oh, yeah! One last word of advice" he said "Remain careful of Root."_

_She nodded._

_Flashback end_

'I didn't tell her when I could have. I thought I had a slight chance. Guess I screwed up this one.'

'**Did you?' **the voice asked **'Did you really?'**

Jiraiya frowned as the darkness began to envelop him. 'How can you ask that! Of course I did!'

'**How?'**

'I couldn't save Orochimaru, I failed my student and his son, and I fail to tell Tsunade how I felt. There. Are you happy now?

'**You say you failed, but could you have Orochimaru's mind? Well?'** 'No.'

'**How would Naruto have turned out if he had been with you or treated differently inside the village? Would he have been a better person for it?' **'Probably not.'

'**And would it have made any difference if you had told Tsunade? Or would it have made it worse?' **'Worse. Defiantly.'

'**So why do you say you regret these things? They were out of your hands. But you did the best you could, yes?** 'I guess. But…' **'No' **the voice cut him off **'there is nothing else you could have done.'**

Jiraiya thought about what the voice had said. He had to agree with what it said. 'Orochimaru chose his own life. No one could have changed that. Naruto's childhood shaped who he is. If had changed that, he wouldn't be who he is. And Tsunade…' his thoughts paused 'I-I love you Tsunade.'

'**Are you ready now or do you still have regrets?'** came the voice again, only much softer. Almost soothing. 'Yes. But one thing. Who are you? Can you tell me before I go?' he thought. **'Hehe, you will know soon enough. Now come. There are people who wish to see you again.'**

Jiraiya could feel the remainder of his strength slipping away. His last conscious thought was 'Good luck, Naruto.'

Konoha

Tsunade, the Godaime Hokage was watching the rain fall outside. The sound of the door opening and closing caught her attention. She turned to see her student and friend Shizune walk up to her desk. "There's no need to worry about a man of Jiraiya-sama's caliber, Tsunade-sama. I'm sure he'll be back soon." She said trying to console her sensei.

"No. He won't…" Tsunade replied. This caught Shizune off guard. 'But isn't that why…?'

"That's my bet anyway. And you know how my bets turn out." Tsunade smiled at her secretary. "Hai." 'I hope your right Tsunade-sama.' Shizune thought to herself.

Shizune excused herself as the Hokage returned to watching the rain and began thinking about he had said to her before he left. 'Getting dumped always make a man stronger…but then again, men aren't meant to pursue happiness'. "Always trying to act cool…" she began "If you make it back here, you won't have to put on a tough front for me anymore…"

'I-I love you Tsunade'

The whisper had drifted in on the wind and Tsunade knew what it meant. Tears began to fall from her eyes and a lone, strangled whisper escaped from her mouth "I-I l-love you too, J-Jiraiya."

She finally broke down and cried herself to sleep, regretting not telling him how she felt.


End file.
